I Have Road Rage Issues

*long pause* Okay so I know I haven't blogged in a very long time and I'm sorry for that life was kind of kicking my ass. But at the moment I feel I need to get back into it so I can get some of the stuff I've been thinking off of my chest. A sort of cleansing if you will. NOW I also want to say, HOW THE FUCK DO I HAVE 25 FOLLOWERS?!??! When I blogged last I had like, 15! Could it be that my awesome was flowing even whilst I was away? YESSSS It must be.

Anyway, I was on my way to work today and realized something that I'm sure my son and the boyfriend have known for years. I have Road Rage, bad. I cannot simply get in my car and drive to and from where I need to be without at some point yelling "OMFG YOU ASSHOLE GET OUT OF THE WAYYYYYY!" Seriously it's like I have tourettes syndrome when I get behind the wheel and it doesn't just happen when I drive, oh no, it can also be when you drive with me in the car.

Now in case nobody that follows my blog or doesn't follow just reads cause you're a bunch of creepers and don't want me to know who you are, lives in Florida you may not understand the way people in Florida drive. In Florida is it perfectly fine to drive in the fast lane (yes there IS a fast lane) and not only NOT do the speed limit (or 20 miles over like I do) and talk on your phone. It is okay to do that here and for some reason when people in FL talk on their cell and drive, their foot comes off of the gas and just kind of hovers there so they aren't really driving so much as gliding, slowly, in the fast lane, GET OUT OF THE WAY ASSHOLE!

Also, here if there is an accident or even just someone who is polite enough to pull off to the side of the highway to talk on their phone so as not to cause a traffic slow down, you MUST, and I say it in caps MUST slow down as you pass them and look into their car just to make sure they are okay even though you have no intention of helping them say, if they were having a heart attack or something. No no, you simply slow down, look and then continue on your way, thus leaving a trail of 300 cars behind you as you do 35 in a 65.

Oh and you must always, always remember that if the light is yellow you stop, not slow, no no, STOP. So that the person behind you (Me) can now stop as well and sit in the car pounding the steering wheel screaming WHY DIDN'T YOU GO?!?!?!?! WHYYYYYYY??!?!?! Because I do that, I admit it and then I almost feel sad that you could have gone and you didn't thus making me wait as well.

Road Rage is a serious disease and I have a case of it, I am okay with that. But please be aware drivers on the road with me there are two things you should always remember. A) It is by the grace of God that I am not able to carry a gun in the car and 2) When I give you the death stare I am really truly in my head wishing that awful terrible things will happen to you :)

That's all for now, here's hoping I can get my head out of my ass long enough to keep blogging.

PS Yes I said A) and 2) Because that's funny to me and well, it's my blog and I say what's funny here